Traditions
by eorocks
Summary: Olivia and her mother shared a tradition every year...one that ended when her mother passed away. What happens when Elliot steps in?


AN: Hey readers. A couple of notes. This closely follows canon (except for the end), but it's not exactly canon, so if I've made mistakes, I apologize in advance. I didn't break this into chapters, so the XXXX indicate a passage of time. A new chapter if you want to think of it like that. Please let me know your thoughts by leaving a review. I haven't written in a while, and I'm not sure about this story. Thanks!

EOEOEOEOEOEO

Elliot paused in the doorway, watching Olivia as she sat at her desk. Her back was to him, but he could see the slump of her shoulders. Her head was dropped slightly, as if she were looking at something on her desk. He pressed his lips together and sighed quietly. He wished he knew what to say to her to get her out of the funk she was in. She'd been off all day, and although he had tried all the tricks in the book to cheer her up, he hadn't been successful. He'd even resorted to asking her what was wrong…something he didn't do nearly often enough because he knew it annoyed her…but she had only given him a small smile and told him she was simply tired. They'd only been partners for a little over two years, but he thought he knew her pretty well. This was more than a little fatigue. Something was definitely bothering her, and he didn't feel right about going home to his family when he knew she was going to sit in an empty apartment by herself.

Elliot walked up behind her. "Hey." He saw her jump, and he realized she'd been lost in thought.

Olivia straightened up quickly and looked up at Elliot as he came around the side of their desks. "I thought you went home." She said as she saw him sit down across from her.

"Guess not." Elliot quipped, adopting a grin while trying to gauge if her mood had improved in the hour since he'd seen her. When he got no reaction, he dropped the smile. "I wanted to work out before I left." He saw her nod, and give him a half smile, and then his attention turned to something she held in her hand. "Are those tickets?" He asked, nodding his head towards her. He watched as Olivia's eyes dropped to her hand…almost as if she'd forgotten they were there.

Olivia flicked her eyes up to Elliot's, and she hesitated before answering. "Yeah." She let out a small sigh.

Elliot waited her out, knowing there was a story there. A full minute passed, and she must have realized he wasn't going to drop it.

"I don't suppose you and Kathy want two tickets to the New York Philharmonic…" Her voice trailed off, as if it were more of a statement than a question.

Elliot furrowed his brows. He swore he heard a tremor in her voice. "Olivia…" He paused, cocking his head to the side. "What's going on?"

Olivia opened her mouth, as if to say something, and took in a deep breath. But then she pressed her lips together and shook her head slightly.

Elliot was alarmed when he saw tears start to well up; he'd never seen her cry before. "Tell me." he said quietly, with a note of urgency in his voice.

Olivia hesitated, but he knew he wasn't going to let it go. "These came in the mail…" Her voice caught slightly. "I had forgotten…" Olivia let her eyes drop back to the tickets, trying to bite back the tears that were threatening to spill. She looked up at Elliot and could see the look of concern on his face. She knew her tears were probably throwing him. She'd cried plenty of times since she'd started in this unit, but never in front of Elliot, or anyone else in the squad.

Elliot was surprised by the emotion in her voice and in her face. It was so unlike the Olivia he knew, and it validated his feeling that something was wrong. He was glad that he hadn't left. "Forgotten what?" He prompted when he saw Olivia look back down at the tickets.

Olivia's eyes moved back up to Elliot's, and she swiped at a tear that had dared escape her lower lashes. She parted her lips slightly, measuring her words. "My mom…" She swallowed hard. Elliot knew about the circumstances of her birth, and he knew about her mother's alcoholism, but he didn't really know the extent of the emotional and mental…and sometimes physical…abuse she'd suffered at her hands. "I didn't grow up with a lot of great memories or traditions, but my mom loved the Philharmonic. We got tickets to a concert that was close to her birthday every year. We'd have dinner…and go to the concert…" She paused. It was one of the few times during the year that her mother didn't drink. Or at least didn't drink to excess. "She loved the music. She said it transported her…" Olivia had to stop. Her voice was getting choked.

"And this year's tickets showed up in the mail." Elliot finished for her. It had been less than three months since Olivia's mother had died, but he was surprised by her reaction. She hadn't cried when Cragen told her about her mother's accident, nor had she shed a tear at the funeral or the burial.

Olivia nodded, still unable to speak. She didn't know why she was so upset. The tickets had shown up, and she had been surprised, but it hadn't affected her like this. In fact, she'd brought them into the precinct to see if anyone wanted them. She had fully expected to give them to one of the squad. But when she'd pulled them out this morning, something had made her pause, and she shoved them back in her desk. Since that moment, she had been overwhelmed with her mother's loss, and she had been on her mind all day.

"You miss her." Elliot said, keeping his tone quiet and even.

Olivia struggled to keep the tears from falling freely. "How messed up is that?"

"She was your mother." Elliot said simply with a small shrug of his shoulders. He understood about messed up family dynamics and the bonds between mother and child.

Olivia blinked a couple of times before she nodded. "This was always a special night for us."

Elliot could tell how important those evenings had been for her. "Maybe you should go." Elliot prompted softly.

Olivia pressed her lips together; she'd had similar thoughts throughout the day. But the thought of going by herself was almost unbearable. "I don't think I can." Her voice was a whisper. Memories of previous years flitted through her mind like a reel of home movies. Quiet conversations over dinner at one of their favorite restaurants, followed by an evening filled with music, and a late-night taxi ride to Ferrara's for dessert. These nights were almost magical to Olivia; a rare occasion when her mother chose her over the bottle…laughter over biting words...the future over the past.

Elliot watched Olivia; watched her struggling with her emotions. He could see how hard this was for her, and he wished he knew what he could say or do that would make her feel better. "How about…" he started. He paused, offering the only thing he could think of. "I could go with you."

The words hung in the air, and he saw her look back at him sharply. His first thought was maybe he had overstepped his bounds. "I mean, I know it's not possibly the same, but if you want to go, and you don't want to go alone…" He was a little disconcerted because Olivia was just looking at him, and he couldn't tell what she was thinking.

Olivia knew her tears and outpouring of emotion were throwing him; but his offer wasn't what she had expected to hear. Elliot was a good partner, and a good friend, and she appreciated the gesture. She was about to say no to his offer but there was something about the earnest way he was looking at her that made her pause.

"I think it's important that you go." Elliot added, overcome with an almost desperate need for her to go. He wanted her to have this…to be able to keep this tradition in memory of her mother. He knew she thought he was probably offering out of obligation or guilt, and he wanted to assure her that wasn't the case. "I _want_ to go with you." He was still cautious about intruding on her privacy. "If you're okay with that."

Olivia swallowed hard. She found that surprisingly, she wanted to go. It's what kept her from giving up the tickets this morning. She just hadn't wanted to do it alone. The fact that Elliot understood that made her realize just how in tune they had become, and she gave him a small smile. "You'd do that for me?"

Elliot cocked his head and pressed his lips together, letting her know her question was ridiculous. "Just tell me when and where."

Now that it was a reality, a whole new set of concerns flooded her mind. "Are you sure Kathy won't mind?"

Elliot knew that Olivia's concerns weren't unfounded. Kathy had been cool towards Olivia when they'd first met. She wasn't particularly happy about the fact that her husband's new partner was a woman. The fact that Elliot had neglected to mention that she was a very attractive woman had only added to Kathy's attitude. Kathy had warmed to her over the past two years, but kept a watchful eye. "It's fine Olivia. She'll understand."

Olivia doubted it was going to be that easy, but she let it go. "Do you have a black suit?" She asked, raising one eyebrow. "I'm wearing a black gown." She had gone shopping for it before her mother died; a rare indulgence every year.

That surprised the hell out of Elliot. Olivia…in a _gown_? He remembered their first year together, when she wore oversized suits and clunky black shoes…trying to be one of the guys and downplaying her femininity. Now, a year later, she'd gone for the tougher look. Short hair, boots and jackets. But there were two things she didn't realize. One, there was no way anyone would mistake her for one of the guys. And two, it didn't matter. She had proven herself to be a smart and resourceful detective. She was an immeasurable asset to the squad…fiercely protective of victims and relentless in her pursuit of the bad guys.

"I've got it covered." He said, giving her a smile.

EOEOEOEO

Two weeks had passed quickly, and Olivia smoothed her hand down the bodice of her dress as the car pulled up in front of the restaurant. She scanned the sidewalk, and it took mere seconds before her eyes landed on Elliot. She smiled when she saw him standing there, his legs in a wide stance and his hands clasped in front of him. The black tuxedo was a surprise, and it fit him perfectly, accentuating his broad shoulders. He looked quite handsome standing there…and a little nervous. She was about to get out of the car when she saw him shift his weight and run one finger under his shirt collar, stretching his neck slightly. He was obviously uncomfortable, and it made her appreciate the effort even more.

Elliot adjusted his bowtie as another cab pulled up in front of the restaurant. He watched as each one pulled up to the curb, looking for Olivia, but felt a stab of disappointment each time strangers emerged. He had been waiting for about 15 minutes, and was getting restless. She was the one that had suggested they meet at the restaurant, and in retrospect, he was glad. It felt a little too formal picking her up at her apartment. Still, he wished she'd get here so they could get their evening started.

He fiddled with the gold band on his finger as he shifted his weight back and forth in his uncomfortable shoes. He wondered if it would be awkward being out on the town with a woman that wasn't his wife. But all thoughts of Kathy left his mind as he saw Olivia emerge from a car that was parked at the curb, no more than 20 feet away from where he was standing.

Olivia caught his eye as she exited the black town car, and a smile crossed her face. She moved towards him, and he couldn't tear his eyes away from her. She looked absolutely stunning. The strapless black dress hugged her body perfectly, and then flared out in a small train in the back. Her dark skin was shimmering slightly, almost as if someone had sprinkled glitter on it. Her short hair was sleek, her eyes were dark, her lips were glossed, and he saw the woman behind the badge and the gun.

"Hey there." Olivia said, blushing slightly at the look on Elliot's face.

Elliot was momentarily at a loss for words. He wanted to tell her she looked beautiful…stunning. But he knew that wouldn't be appropriate, and he didn't want to make things awkward. He opened his mouth, and then closed it again, and settled for a smile. "You snuck up on me." He said, pointing at the car pulling away from the curb. "I was watching for a cab."

Olivia shrugged slightly. "Another tradition. My mother always insisted on renting a car." She brushed a stray hair off Elliot's shoulder. "You clean up nicely." She smiled mischievously. "You really didn't have to rent a tux."

"I'm glad I did. I would have looked underdressed." He turned towards the restaurant and held out his crooked arm. "Ready?"

EOEOEOEOEO

Olivia glanced over at Elliot as they took their seats in the theatre. She had worried that it would be strange to spend an evening together like this, but it had been anything but. They had managed to get through dinner without talking about work once, and Olivia had relaxed as Elliot talked about the kids and some of their antics. He didn't press her with questions about her mother, or ask her how she was feeling, and she knew he had no idea how much she appreciated it. This evening was already difficult enough for her, without having Elliot probing into her childhood or asking questions about her mother that she didn't want to answer.

Olivia leaned over. "I hope you like this." She said in a hushed whisper. This had been the one part of the evening she had worried about; Elliot had admitted he'd never seen the symphony.

Elliot glanced over at her. "Relax. I can use a little culture." He winked at her and was rewarded with a big smile. He was so happy that he had talked her into going, and that he could be here for her. The lights dimmed before he could say anything else, and the entire place became silent as the orchestra began.

As the music played, Elliot stole glances over at Olivia. She seemed completely absorbed; captivated by their performance. A few times, he caught her with her eyes closed, and her head lifted slightly, drinking in the sound as it filled the theatre. Olivia had been right…this wasn't really his thing. But watching her, he was learning to appreciate it at some level.

When the last notes faded, and the crowd erupted into applause, he could see Olivia's eyes were glistening with unshed tears. He knew she was thinking about her mother, and before he thought about it, he had slid his hand over hers. He squeezed gently, and Olivia glanced over at him and gave him a small smile.

Olivia was surprised to feel his hand slip over hers, and she was filled with gratitude for the gift he had given her tonight. She knew he wouldn't be able to hear her, so she simply mouthed the words. "Thank you." She squeezed his hand back quickly, and then pulled her hand from his.

EOEOEOEOEO

The town car glided to a stop in front of the precinct, and Elliot found he was disappointed that the night was ending. He had seen another side of Olivia he hadn't been privy to before, and he had really enjoyed it. If he was being honest, it had been fun to be someone he wasn't, and to be the one with a gorgeous woman on his arm. He had watched other men stare…desire in their eyes…and his chest had swelled just a little. He had no right…he had no claim on her. But they didn't know that.

He turned back towards Olivia. "This feels odd. We should drop you off at your apartment first."

"I'm fine. It doesn't make any sense to have him drive up to my apartment and then back down here. You already have to drive back to Queens."

Elliot nodded. He knew she was right, but he didn't want the leave her like this. It seemed too abrupt.

"Elliot." Olivia pursed her lips together, not quite sure how to thank him. "Tonight…it meant more to me than I thought. I'm glad you talked me into going."

"I didn't really talk you into going…"

Olivia placed a hand over his to silence him. "I wouldn't have gone alone." She looked down at where her hand rested over his. There was so much she wanted to say, but the words wouldn't come. That wasn't them…they didn't share thoughts and emotions. In fact, this entire evening had been so out of the ordinary for them, she knew they wouldn't talk about it tomorrow. She squeezed his hand gently, and looked back up at him. "You're a good friend Elliot. It's nice to know you have my back."

Elliot slid his hand from beneath hers, and placed his on top. "Always."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Elliot sat at his desk, watching Olivia fill out some forms in front of her. She had been relatively quiet today, but he had expected it. It was the first anniversary of her mother's death, and while she hadn't said anything, he knew it was on her mind. Thankfully, everyone in the city seemed to be on their best behavior, and they'd just been able to hang around in the squad room and get caught up on all their mandatory paperwork.

But that meant Fin and Munch were there too. He had been trying to find a quiet moment when he could talk to Olivia alone, but that hadn't happened yet today. But as if on cue, John stood up and stretched his lanky form.

"As wonderful as it's been hanging out with all of you today…" he started. "I'm going to call it a day."

He looked at all of them expectantly, and for a moment, Elliot worried that Olivia was going to go too. But fortunately, Fin was the only taker.

Olivia looked up briefly. "I'm just going to finish this up." She gave John a small smile. The fact was, she was going to stay here as long as possible. The thought of going home to her empty apartment tonight just didn't seem appealing. Her mother had been on her mind all day, and she alternated between anger about the stupid way she had died, and self-loathing for wasting time thinking about her. She barely made time for the woman when she was alive, and it irked her that she missed her now.

Olivia turned back to her paperwork, trying to ignore Elliot. She could feel his eyes on her; he'd been giving her surreptitious looks all day. It had taken a lot of willpower to keep from telling him to knock it off, but she didn't want to open the door to conversation. He obviously wanted to talk to her, but she didn't want his platitudes or comfort right now. Best just to ignore him.

"Olivia."

Olivia let out a sigh. She should have known he'd been waiting for Fin and Munch to leave. When she looked up, he pushed himself out of his chair and walked over to her desk. She had to push her own chair back and lean back to look at him as he perched himself on the corner of her desk. "Yes?" Even she could hear the exasperation in her own voice.

"This came for you." Elliot dropped a plain white envelope on the desk in front of Olivia.

Olivia could see her name scrawled on the front in Elliot's almost illegible scrawl. _Olivia Benson_. She knew immediately what the envelope held, and she looked back up at Elliot. "What did you do?"

Elliot nodded his head towards the envelope. "Open it."

Olivia toyed with the edges, but she didn't lift it up off the desk. "Elliot." She said, a hint of _you shouldn't have_ in her tone.

"Did you already buy tickets?" He knew she hadn't; at least he was pretty sure she hadn't. Olivia had told him that her mother bought tickets every year, and he thought if she had been thinking about going, she would have brought it up.

"No, but…" She had thought about it…about keeping the tradition. But once again, she didn't want to go alone, and she didn't want to ask Elliot to endure another night at the symphony.

Elliot cut her off. "Then open it."

Olivia knew he wasn't going to relent. She picked up the envelope and opened the flap that was tucked inside. She grasped the two tickets with her fingers and pulled them out, looking at the date.

"It's three weeks from now." Elliot said as he saw her searching for the information. "I wanted you to have time to find a dress." Olivia had shared the fact that she bought a new dress every year, and he had considered that when he selected the date for the concert.

Olivia wanted to tell him that he shouldn't have. That the tickets were too expensive. That he didn't have to give up another night with his family, when he had to miss so many already due to their hectic work schedule. But she couldn't bring herself to say the words, because she was slightly overwhelmed with the magnitude of what Elliot had done. Just for her.

Elliot watched Olivia. She was seemingly at a loss for words, and he took her inability to speak as a good sign. _He'd gotten it right._ He had argued with himself about whether he should buy the tickets. Part of him thought that maybe she wanted to forget about the tradition; leave the past where it belonged. The other part of him thought that she should continue, since it was one of the good memories she had to hold on to. He was glad that he'd decided to go ahead.

"So, you'll go?" He asked quietly, trying to suppress a smile.

Olivia gave him a small smile and nodded. "Thank you."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Elliot opened his middle desk drawer and stared at the envelope holding the tickets to the NY Philharmonic. He'd had them for several days…almost a week…but he hadn't given them to Olivia yet. He knew she was expecting them; he'd "surprised" her with them for the past three years. But she hadn't said a word…hadn't asked. She knew things were different this year; that he was off-center. He was still reeling for being forced out of his home…from losing his family.

It wasn't that he didn't want to take her…he did. The first time they had gone together had been special…fraught with loss and Olivia's memories. But with each passing year, the ghost of her mother had subsided, and while she was definitely on Olivia's mind during the evening, it had become more of a happy event…a warm memory of a special time she shared with her Mom. And that she now shared with Elliot.

Elliot had ditched the tuxedo after that first year, opting for a black suit instead. And in keeping with history, Olivia still bought a new dress every year. She looked more amazing each year, and he would be lying if he said he still didn't get a thrill watching other man eyeing her while she looped her arm through his. He was even starting to enjoy the concert a little, but he thought maybe it was because he enjoyed watching Olivia while she listened to the music.

They both thoroughly enjoyed the evening together, even though they never spoke about it the next day. Or ever. Ever since that first night, it had somehow become an unspoken rule.

And now he was wondering what it would be like to be out for an evening with Olivia, without a gold band on his finger.

Not that it should matter. He and Olivia were partners. Friends.

 _So why hadn't he given her the tickets?_

Olivia walked into the squad room and Elliot slammed the drawer closed.

Olivia raised an eyebrow as she sat down across from Elliot. He was trying to make it look as if he'd been busy, but it was obvious that he hadn't been. She knew something was on his mind, but she'd left it alone. He'd been a little distant since he had announced that Kathy had left him, and she knew he was adjusting to a new reality. She wasn't going to push him. He was intensely private when it came to his personal life, and she assumed that if he wanted to talk to her, he would.

"I think I'm going to head home." Olivia said, trying to break the silence. "You ready to go?"

"Huh?" Elliot looked up at her, as if he'd just realized Olivia was in the room. Olivia wanted to laugh; he'd obviously forgotten she was a detective. She let it slide and stood up.

"Want to grab a drink?" Olivia asked as she walked over towards his desk. She knew he'd say no, just like he had every other time she'd asked him. It was just an attempt to distract him; he wasn't used to going home to an empty apartment like she was.

"Not really." Elliot said with a sigh.

Olivia pressed her lips together and nodded. "Kay. See you tomorrow." She turned and headed out of the squad room.

"Liv."

Olivia stopped and turned in place. She saw Elliot still sitting at his desk, but now he held a white envelope in his hand. She was surprised to see it; with everything that had been going on, she had been fairly certain that he wouldn't get tickets this year.

Olivia walked back over to Elliot's desk, but he didn't hand her the envelope. Instead, he sat there, looking at her while he gripped it in his fingers. She couldn't tell what was on his mind right now, but it was obvious that he was unsure about something. "We don't have to go this year." She said. It would be disappointing, but she knew this was a tough time for him. "I'm sure you can resell the tickets."

Elliot felt a stab of guilt in that moment. He knew this night was special for Olivia, and she was willing to give it up for him. He wondered why he had even questioned going. "Honestly, I could use a night out." He said. He gave her a small smile and handed her the envelope.

Olivia took it gingerly from his outstretched hand and looked into his eyes. "You sure?" Inside, she was begging him to say yes. As much as she appreciated the fact that going to the concert kept a long-standing tradition alive, she realized just how much she enjoyed spending the evening with Elliot. It was one night they weren't Benson and Stabler…they were Elliot and Olivia.

"Did you get a dress?" Elliot asked.

Olivia nodded. "Red this year."

"I can't wait to see it."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

They concert tonight had been amazing, but while Olivia had stared at the musicians, he had been staring at her. The white dress she was wearing was in sharp contrast to her dark skin, and she'd pulled her hair up into a chignon, showing off the bare skin on her neck and shoulders. He kept tearing his eyes away from her, but a few minutes would pass, and he would find himself staring at her again.

If she noticed, she didn't say anything.

Things had changed for them considerably over the past year; he knew she felt it too. They both heard the comments; they were too close. But they had both ignored it; compartmentalized it. They had a job to do. They were partners…nothing more.

But God, right now, the only thing he could think about was pressing his lip against the soft skin right below her ear.

Olivia could feel Elliot's eyes on her, and she felt a smile on her lips. This thing between them, whatever it was, was a tangible thing. They fought it daily…mostly by ignoring it and pretending it was nothing more than a friendship developed over seven years of long stakeouts, tough cases, and bad coffee. But tonight…tonight she had seen the look in Elliot's eyes when he saw her in her shimmering white strapless gown. It was the same each year, increasing in intensity as time passed. She knew he must see the same look mirrored in her eyes as they appraised his dark suit with the blue tie, and the way it fit his form. He had bulked up a little over the years…his workouts ratcheting up after his separation. And she had noticed.

In the next moment, the concert ended, and everyone was on their feet. When they were done clapping and the orchestra had left the stage, Elliot leaned in close. "I think this was the best one yet."

Olivia laughed lightly. "Don't tell me you're actually learning to appreciate classical music?" She teased.

Elliot shrugged. "Maybe I just like the company." He said lightly. "Or maybe I just like to see you in a dress."

Olivia rolled her eyes slightly. She wouldn't dare tell him that now, when she picked a dress, Elliot's potential reaction was one of her considerations. She thought she'd hit a home run with the one she was wearing tonight.

Elliot gave her a small smirk, as if he'd read her mind. Then he leaned in close to her ear and whispered. "And if I didn't tell you before, you look amazingly beautiful tonight." He was rewarded with a look of surprise. He had commented on her dress the past few years, but had never given her such a direct compliment, and he saw her blush slightly.

Olivia stared at him and felt the color rise in her cheeks; the compliment from him meant so much more than she ever would have thought. But then the moment was past, and people were clearing their throats behind them as they waited to move out of their seats and the theatre. In another surprising move, Elliot slipped his hand in hers, and tugged her closely behind him as they left the theatre.

An hour later, they were finishing up their dessert, and Elliot was feeling the now customary dread of a wonderful evening coming to an end. Olivia pulled out her phone to text the driver of the town car she had rented, to let him know they were finishing up. As she set her phone back down on the table, Elliot quickly covered her hand with his. "Let's go out for a drink." He said quickly.

Olivia raised an eyebrow, and looked at him, but he didn't move his hand. She was surprised by his request, since they'd pretty much followed the same routine for the past five years…six if you counted tonight.

Elliot saw the question in her eyes, and he lifted his hand from hers and leaned back in his chair. "It's just one drink."

"I didn't say no." Olivia said.

"You didn't say yes." Elliot pointed out.

"You didn't give me a chance to say anything."

"So that's a yes then?"

Olivia bit down slightly on her bottom lip, trying hard not to read too much into his invitation. They had the rules of engagement down pat for this annual event, and even though the lingering looks and the amount of personal contact had changed over time, the routine did not. She wondered if that was what kept them grounded; allowed them to return as Benson and Stabler the next day.

"It's just a drink Olivia." Elliot said, narrowing his eyes slightly. He could see the wheels turning in her head, trying to figure out ulterior motives and potential outcomes.

"I know."

Elliot let out a sigh. "Forget it." He started to stand up. "Let's just get you home Cinderella." He tried not to let the disappointment seep into his voice, but he knew he probably failed miserably.

"El…" Olivia stood up and reached for his hand to keep him from moving farther away from her. "You're so impatient." She said, trying to act as if she hadn't stalled on giving an answer. "I'd love to have a drink. And since you asked, you're buying."

Elliot smiled. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Olivia lay in her tent, trying to steal a few moments alone. She knew sleep wouldn't come tonight. Tonight was the night…Elliot had presented her with tickets just days before she had disappeared and gone undercover. She thought she'd be back by now, that she'd be able to keep their date. But here she was, hidden amongst a group of eco-warriors in the middle of nowhere.

The worst part was that she couldn't even call him. She couldn't tell him how sorry she was that she had to miss tonight.

Last year had ended with a few drinks, a cozy ride shoulder to shoulder in the car, and a chaste kiss on the cheek from Elliot at the door of her apartment building.

This year…

She hadn't known what to expect this year. The past year had been incredibly tough on them. Their relationship had become even more complicated, and Gitano had pushed them over the edge. A separation hadn't done anything to help. If anything, it made her realize that just how mutually dependent they were on each other. That they operated as one, and she didn't know where she ended, and Elliot began. They both realized they were dangerously close to crossing a line…a line neither one of them could see clearly. They both worried that maybe they already had.

So, now they were cautious around each other…almost scared of how the other would react in any given circumstance. Olivia waiting for Elliot to blow…or to make some other sweeping proclamation that ended their partnership. Elliot waiting for Olivia to leave him again…take off without warning.

She had actually been surprised that Elliot had bought the tickets at all. His offering had been tentative, followed by a genuine sigh of relief when she gave him a smile and took the tickets from his outstretched hand.

She'd been looking forward to it. She had hoped the routine of it would return some essence of normalcy to how they interacted with each other.

And then she'd done the very thing he'd feared the most. She'd left without a word.

She hoped he knew it hadn't been her choice. That she hadn't wanted to leave his side again, with no warning…no goodbye.

She blew out a heavy breath full of frustration. She knew he was back in New York City and probably mad as hell. Or confused…and probably as frustrated as she was.

Elliot blew out a sigh of frustration as he sat in his apartment. He looked at his watch, checking the time for at least the tenth time in the past two hours.

It was 10PM. If Olivia was here, they'd be close to leaving the theatre about now. Maybe they'd already be riding in their sleek black car to Ferrara's, looking forward to coffee and some chocolatey treat to share.

He wondered what color dress she would have worn this year.

He wondered if this evening would have been awkward with all that they had been through, or if it would have brought some closure to this mess they'd made, and would have been the first step towards some sort of normalcy.

He wondered where in the U.S. Olivia was right now, and if she was thinking about him as much as he was thinking about her.

Memories of last year's concert took center stage and he closed his eyes. He could almost smell her perfume…the scent had made him heady as he had leaned in for a kiss. He remembered the sharp intake of breath, and how her eyes had widened slightly, and he knew she thought he was going to kiss her. It would have been so easy; he remembered the way her glossed lips parted slightly, as if in anticipation.

But he hadn't. He couldn't. He had no right while he still wore gold band on his finger.

Elliot's eyes flew open…the intensity of the memory making him miss her even more. God, he missed her. His "precious" Olivia, as Dani had called her.

It drove him crazy not to know where she was.

He wondered when she would be back.

 _If_ she would come back.

He looked out his apartment window and let out another heavy sigh. "Where are you?" he whispered, but silence was his only answer.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Olivia reached over and released her seatbelt as Elliot pulled into a parking spot across the street from their suspects apartment. They didn't expect him to leave for several hours, but they weren't taking any chances, so she knew they'd be sitting for a while. She caught Elliot's eye as she looked up, and he looked like the cat that ate the canary. "What?"

Elliot shrugged. "Nothing."

Olivia furrowed her brows and then looked out the front windshield as she fidgeted in her seat. "I'm going to catch a short nap." She said as she lay her head back against the back of the seat and closed her eyes. They'd been up for almost 48 hours and she was exhausted.

She heard Elliot sigh heavily, and she opened one eye and looked over at him. "What?"

"Nothing." Elliot said quickly. He watched as she closed her eyes again, stealing glances over at her as the minutes passed. He had found himself doing this often in the seven months or so since she'd been back, as if he needed to confirm that she hadn't disappeared on him again.

He wouldn't be surprised if she did. Things had gotten back to normal and then he'd blown them apart again. Now, they seemed farther apart than ever.

Olivia interrupted his thoughts.

"You're supposed to be watching the apartment." She said, still feeling his eyes on her. She was trying not to sound annoyed. But the fact was, she was annoyed.

Things had finally gotten back to normal…a new normal…since she'd been back from Oregon. They had tap danced around each other for a while…avoided any discussion about all that had happened before Olivia had gone to computer crimes and undercover…and finally reached détente. And she had found she liked the new normal. They had figured out how to be partners and friends again, and even though this thing between them was still there, they had reached some level of acceptance. Instead of fighting it, they had to just let it be.

And then bam! He threw a grenade into the whole damn thing by telling him Kathy was pregnant.

Pregnant.

His _ex-wife_. Even though he signed the damned divorce papers, he'd never really left her behind.

The reality of it threw her off course. It made her realize what an idiot she was for allowing herself to think that he may have feelings for her. For allowing herself to love him. For allowing herself to hope that maybe, someday, they would decide that they wanted to be more than partners.

So, no…he didn't get to look at her. He didn't get to worry about how she was doing.

She didn't want to see the sadness in his eyes, or hear _I'm sorry_ in his tone.

"Liv."

God, the man was infuriating sometimes. Olivia opened her eyes and looked over at him.

Elliot could feel the tension in car, but it was always there now. And it was his fault. He'd done this to them, and he wanted to tell her how sorry he was. He wanted to tell her that when he lay by his wife in bed each night, he thought about her. He was a selfish bastard.

His wife was going to have a baby. That was the new reality.

The best he could do is to try to be patient and understanding as she adjusted to this new reality. As they both adjusted to it.

"I was wondering…" He looked out the front of the car, unable to look at her as she stared at him. "I know you probably don't want to go, but I got our tickets and…"

Olivia took in a sharp breath. The past few months had been a blur…

"I know things are all fucked up, but…"

Olivia's surprise morphed back to anger. "I don't think that's a good idea." She said bluntly. Those evenings had turned into something special to her…a stolen night with the man she loved. She had to move on. Going back wasn't possible.

Elliot didn't know what to say. He wanted this so badly. "Please. I want…"

Olivia turned on him. " _You_ want? I don't want to hear about what you want Elliot." She turned her head and looked out the side window, telling herself for the hundredth time that she didn't care anymore.

Now she just had to figure out how to believe it.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Olivia had asked him to meet her for breakfast, and he felt bad because he was running late. Eli had been up half the night with a cold, he'd overslept a little, and now there was an accident on the bridge. He had texted her, and she had said she'd wait. But that made him nervous.

They didn't typically do more than grab a cup of coffee…or sometimes he'd pick up something from the bakery…and now he was nervous. Things had settled down over the past year. Things were good. But he still worried that one of these days, she was going to leave him.

He found a spot not far from the café, and hustled into the restaurant. Olivia waved him over, and he was happy to see a big smile on her face. It eased the nervous feeling in his stomach slightly, and he realized, not for the first time, how much seeing her every morning brightened his day.

"Hey, I'm sorry…" he started as he sat down.

Olivia shook off his apology. "It's no big deal. I'm on my 3rd cup of coffee, but I needed it today."

Elliot grinned. "You're going to be a lot of fun today."

"I'm always a lot of fun." She said with a smirk, as if challenging him to say otherwise.

"True."

"Speaking of fun…" Olivia was slightly nervous, but she forged ahead. "I thought maybe you could use a night out." She pulled two tickets out from beneath her napkin and dropped them in the table in front of Elliot. She watched as he looked down at the tickets…just staring at them…and she wondered if she'd made a mistake.

Elliot looked up at Olivia, taken completely by surprise.

"Last year, I just wasn't…" Olivia started, but she didn't know what to say.

Elliot shook his head. "It doesn't matter."

EOEOEOEO

Despite Olivia's concern that the night would be awkward, she found that it was easy for them to slip back into the roles they had played in previous years. She had planned to dress down slightly, but at the last minute she had a fuck it attitude. She hadn't looked for a new dress, so she pulled out the white one she'd worn two years ago.

She looked at Elliot across the table from her at Ferrara's and she let out an inward sigh. The man looked so damn good; it wasn't fair. She had noticed his new build when she came back from Oregon and he'd kept up the workouts ever since. He'd always been good looking, but there was something about him now that made her ache with want.

She looked away quickly…she couldn't go there.

Elliot saw the way she'd been looking at him. "Liv." He was rewarded with a smile as she looked back at him. He leaned in slightly. "If I forgot to tell you, you look beautiful tonight."

Olivia felt the color creep into her cheeks. Elliot was the only one that could make her blush.

"Up for a drink?" he ventured. He watched as she swept her eyes up and down, and it made him wonder about the men she dated. The questions asked as they tentatively…hopefully…waited for an answer from her. A date, a drink, a kiss...or something more. It didn't haunt him like it used to.

"I think that sounds good."

Almost three hours later, Elliot slid into the rented car next to Olivia. They'd had more than one drink, and he could tell she was a little tipsy. As the car made its way through the city, he was aware of every point of contact between them.

"I'm glad we decided to go tonight." Olivia said quietly, and she placed her hand on his knee. "I know this started out as one thing, but now it's something else. A new tradition of our own…" Her voice trailed off as she slid her fingers back and forth.

Elliot was mesmerized by the sound of her voice and distracted by her hand, and he didn't say anything for a full minute. He realized she took his silence as something else, and she started to pull her hand away. He quickly covered her hand with his and he looked over at her. "Olivia…I…" It was on the tip of his tongue…he wanted to tell her. She was looking at him expectantly, her lips parted slightly, and his heart skipped a beat. She was so devastatingly beautiful.

Olivia watched as Elliot leaned in, and her breath hitched slightly as she saw his intent in his eyes. She lifted her head slightly, and in the next second, Elliot's lips brushed over hers. Lightly…tentatively. And then his hand slid to the side of her neck, and his lips grasped hers. It was soft and sweet, and she tilted her head slightly as he deepened the kiss.

Elliot felt Olivia's fingers slide around the back of his head, and he was lost in the softness of her lips and the smell of her perfume. It was everything he had imagined kissing Olivia would be, and he felt desire heating his blood.

He felt the car glide to a stop; an awareness in the periphery of his brain. But he didn't want this night to end. He broke the kiss…both of them breathing heavily…and pressed his forehead to hers. "Liv." He said heavily.

Olivia pulled back slightly, scarcely able to believe that Elliot had kissed her. She could see the desire in his eyes…could feel the flush of her own skin.

And then harsh cold reality slammed back into her.

Elliot had a _wife_ at home. A new baby.

"El…" She said, her voice tinged with want…not regret. "I…" She wanted to invite him up. She wondered what would happen if she did. Would she regret it tomorrow? Or would they simply go on as before, with a sweet memory of what could have been?

Olivia slipped her hand over his, where it still rested lightly on her shoulder. This time, her tone was laced with regret. "Good night."

Elliot watched as she slipped out of the car, wanting to go after her and knowing he wouldn't. "Good night Liv." He whispered, as he watched her disappear into the building.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Elliot leaned against the counter, staring at the computer console in front of him. He swiped a hand across his mouth as Olivia walked up and stood next to him. They'd been working on a tough case, but they'd had a break today, and they were wrapping things up. He had been focused on the case, but a question was niggling in the back of his brain that wouldn't go away.

He glanced over at her…at the easy way she folded her arms and leaned down next to him. Things had changed a lot for them this past year. There was an easiness between them…a new acceptance of what they were to each other. He couldn't explain it, but there had been something about that kiss between them almost a year ago…

It was an admission of their feelings. An acceptance of something that couldn't be denied any longer. And although they never talked about it, and had certainly never repeated that intimate embrace, it had been some kind of breakthrough for them.

A knowledge that lurked below the surface.

It wasn't an unanswered question any longer.

They knew.

Elliot glanced over at her. "I was wondering…are you going to buy tickets this year, or should I?"

Olivia knew what he was really asking. He was worried that last year had been the end of this new tradition. She had asked herself the same question. "I think it's your turn to buy." She glanced over at him. "I already have to buy a new dress."

Elliot smiled broadly, happy with her answer. "What color dress?"

Olivia turned around and leaned back against the counter as Elliot straightened up. "I don't know. Any suggestions?" She asked, a slight tease in her voice.

Elliot let his eyes drop slightly and then met her eyes. "Hmmm. You look good in any color." He saw Olivia roll her eyes slightly. "But I definitely think something strapless."

Olivia raised an eyebrow, surprised by his comment. It bordered on flirting…something they didn't do.

"Definitely." Elliot said, feeling bold. "And put your hair up. I like that." He smiled at the surprise on her face, and turned and walked out of the squad room.

EOEOEOEOEO

Olivia felt nervous as she exited the car, and that very fact was a shock to her after all these years. Elliot was standing much as he had been the first year they had done this. He had donned a tuxedo, and stood with his legs spread slightly and his hands clasped together in front of him. He looked devastatingly handsome, and she saw the twinkle in his eye as his eyes swept over her.

Elliot was stunned as Olivia walked towards him. She was wearing a strapless dress that was a deep burgundy color, and her hair was swept back from her face, baring her shoulders. The light caught the sparkle of the earrings that dangled from her ears, and a bangle that was wrapped around her wrist. She had outdone herself this year, and he couldn't help but smile that she'd honored his requests.

As she neared, he dropped his hands and straightened up. He grasped her hand in his as he leaned in and kissed her cheek. His mouth dropped to her ear. "You look ravishing." And he meant it. It seemed impossible, but Olivia seemed to get more beautiful with each passing year.

"Thank you." Olivia said breathlessly. "You look pretty handsome yourself." She tweaked his bowtie. "I see you opted for a tux again."

"It just seemed right this year." He said. "It's our 10th anniversary." Even though they had technically skipped a year, he was still counting it.

Olivia looked surprised. And a little pleased that he was keeping track. "We've been partners for 11 years." She said, toying with him.

"Liv…"

"I'm teasing." She leaned over and brushed her lips against his lightly. "Happy Anniversary." She whispered.

EOEOEOEOEO

The evening had been perfection. They were both in a playful mood, and Elliot couldn't remember a time in the recent past that he'd felt so good. So free. Olivia was definitely flirting with him, and even though he knew it was just for tonight, he loved it. He was giving as good as he was getting, and as he stared back at her across the table at Ferrara's, he wondered if she'd let him kiss her at the end of the night. Her hand was laying on the table, and he covered it with his. "Are we going to go for a drink tonight?" Even though that had become their new tradition, he was still uncertain if it would happen tonight.

"Absolutely." Olivia said. "Unless you have somewhere else to be?"

Elliot shook his head. "I'm right where I'm supposed to be."

EOEOEOEOEO

Elliot slid into the car next to Olivia, already thinking about kissing her. He slid his hand over hers and tangled his fingers with hers. "What are you thinking about right now?" he asked, knowing it was a tricky question.

Olivia felt a tremor ripple through her body, and goosebumps broke out across her skin. She had been thinking about this moment for weeks…since she and Elliot had talked about buying tickets. She started to have second thoughts, but she knew this was the moment. "I'm thinking that I'd like you to come up for a nightcap." She whispered, not daring to look at him.

Elliot felt all the breath leave his body at her request. "What?" It came out before he could stop it. His mind had gone right to visions of Olivia spread out on a bed beneath him…the things he only dreamed about in his moments of weakness. But maybe she'd really meant for him to come up for a drink…

"I mean…Liv…what are you asking me?"

"Don't do that." She whispered. She knew he wanted the same thing she wanted. She had seen the desire in his eyes…the passion in that kiss. She looked over at him, and she could see the conflict in his eyes. She had never wanted to be the other woman…never wanted to make him a cheater…but this is where they were. "Just for tonight. Just once…"

Elliot leaned in and captured her lips, silencing her. The ways he wanted this woman made him weak, and a minute later, he found himself following her up the stairs to her apartment.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It was a late night in the squad room, and they were the last two left. He'd been spending longer days at work; spending more time with Olivia because he couldn't stand to be home with his wife. He knew it was wrong when he had recommitted to her and their family. But it was what it was. His heart belonged to Olivia.

He pulled the white envelope out of his drawer, but Olivia was too wrapped up in her paperwork to notice. He pushed himself up from his chair and pushed it over towards hers. She looked up as she heard the noise, and smiled when she saw the white envelope in his hand.

Elliot couldn't help but smile back at her. This woman…she was his life.

Olivia leaned back in her chair, still in love with this tradition, and with the man sitting down across from her now. This past year…the past couple of years…had been wonderful between them. And although it wasn't perfect, she had made her peace with it. She knew Elliot loved her…he had told her as he had lowered her down onto her bed. And she knew it was true.

"I was wondering when you were going to get tickets. The season's almost over." She said. She cocked her head as Elliot sat down in his chair. He seemed nervous. "Don't worry. The answer is yes. I'll go with you." She teased.

"Maybe that's not the question." He said, his finger shaking slightly as he held the envelope between his fingers.

"We're not going this year?" Olivia asked, furrowing her eyebrows together.

"I thought maybe we could start a new tradition this year." He said, and he watched a flash of disappointment cross her face. He questioned the wisdom of being here in the squad room, but this is where things had started for them. It seemed only appropriate.

"Oh?" Olivia wasn't sure what to say.

Elliot handed her the envelope. "Just open it before you say anything." He held his breath as she took the envelope from him.

Olivia opened the flap, and looked inside and her heart stopped. Sitting nestled against the tickets was a ring.

"This year, I want you to go as my fiancé." He started as she looked up at him in shock. "I've left Kathy. It was never going to work. It's been 3 months since I moved out…" He stopped as Olivia continued to stare at him. He couldn't tell what she was thinking. "Say something."

"Elliot…" Olivia's mind was a blank as she tried to process what Elliot was saying.

Elliot took the envelope from her and fished the ring out. He pushed his chair away and dropped down on one knee. "Olivia…I'm asking you to marry me." He looked at her expectantly. "I know this isn't very romantic…but it just felt like…" He paused. "This is where we met. This is where I fell in love with you. It just seemed right." He started to feel a moment of panic because she wasn't answering, but he could see tears brimming on her lower lashes. "I love you. Please…marry me."

Olivia could only nod as she watched Elliot down on one knee in front of her. She had never expected this; she had given up on this kind of fairy tale.

"Yes?" Elliot asked hopefully. "Is that a yes?"

"Yes." Olivia said. She held out her hand and Elliot slipped the ring on her finger. He pulled her up out of her chair and wrapped his arms around her.

"You've made me the happiest man alive." He whispered in her ear as he held her close. He loosened his grip and let her back on her feet, and then he kissed her. He looked down in her eyes.

"I love you." Olivia whispered, and she looked down at her ring. "I can't believe this is happening." She looked back up at Elliot. "Is this really happening?"

"Yes. This is real."

"But…" Olivia had a million questions, but Elliot silenced her with a kiss.

"Save the questions for later. Let's celebrate."

Twenty minutes later, they sat across from each other in a small intimate restaurant. Olivia's hand was resting on the table, and he loved the sight of his ring on her finger. He lifted his glass, and Olivia did the same. "To new traditions…"

They both took a sip of their wine, and Olivia sucked in her bottom lip as she set her glass on the table. She cocked her head slightly. "You know what?"

Elliot raised an eyebrow as he saw a small, mischievous smile on her face. "What?"

"I think there's a better way to celebrate." She leaned in close, and watched a slow mile spread across his face. "El…" She whispered seductively. "Let's go home."


End file.
